 |
|
|
| About Helen > Eclectic Background |
|
| Humorous Poems by Helen Ksypka |
|
| Poems for Children |
|
My Family of Dinosaurs
© Helen Ksypka
My sister, finkasaurus,
is a tattletaling shrew.
My brother, slobasaurus,
doesn't quite know how to chew.
My mother, rushasaurus,
finds it hard to be on time.
My father, cheapasaurus,
never spends an extra dime.
Our doggy, barkasaurus,
keeps our neighbors up at night.
Our kitty, scratchasaurus,
gouges everything in sight.
And then there's angelsaurus,
who you might have guessed, is me,
the only one who's perfect in this crazy family.
"My Family of Dinosaurs"
is from the book: Miles of Smiles, published by Meadowbrook Press. Artwork © Stephen Carpenter. |
|
|
|
Professor Von Shtoot's Wacky Inventions
© Helen Ksypka
Here's a list that proudly mentions
all of my wonderful, wacky inventions:
older sister shut-her-upper,
all-nutritious chocolate supper,
teacher homework-memory-loss,
potion making you the boss,
baseball bat that never misses,
pin that wards off juicy kisses,
past-your-bedtime length extender,
getting into trouble ender,
vanish cream to use on braggers,
magic dust, defusing naggers,
yucky, mucky meat loaf buster,
out-the-window liver thruster,
scary, hairy bug inflictor,
unexpected-quiz predictor,
push-a-button belly zapper,
snooping-brother finger trapper,
supersonic zit remover,
mathematics grade improver,
automatic snitch detector,
whiny-little-wimp ejector.
Plus, I've hundreds more to test.
I wonder which you'll like the best.
"Professor Von Shtoot's Wacky Inventions" is from the book: Miles of Smiles, published by Meadowbrook Press. Artwork © Stephen Carpenter. |
|
|
|
Uncle Dave's Car
© Helen Ksypka
I pleaded with my Uncle Dave
to take us for a ride.
My sisters grabbed a window seat.
I sat right by his side.
He zoomed across a garden
and knocked some hedges down,
then barreled over sidewalks
in a busy part of town.
He zipped along a winding road,
a siren made him stop.
My uncle got a ticket from
a very angry cop.
At home our mother asked us,
"Did all of you behave?"
We answered her, "Of course we did,"
(Except for Uncle Dave!)
"Uncle Dave's Car" is from the book:
A Bad Case of the Giggles, published by
Meadowbrook Press. Artwork © Stephen Carpenter. |
|
|
|
What's This?
© Helen Ksypka
It's gunky goo, a slimy stew
of runny, drippy glop
or mucky mounds of icky, sticky,
greasy, grimy slop.
It's heaps of slush, a mass of mush
or gobs of gluey lumps,
unappetizing drops and plops
of culinary clumps.
It sometimes, too, is hard to chew
when brittle as a brick,
cuisine that has a dose of gross,
enough to make you sick.
With every clue I've given you,
I'm sure you have a hunch.
It's what they have the nerve to serve
at school and call it "lunch."
"What's This?" is from the book:
No More Homework! No More Tests!
published by Meadowbook Press. Artwork © Stephen Carpenter. |
|
|
|
| Poems for Grownups |
|
A Losing Battle
© Helen Ksypka
MacArthur, Bradley, Patton, though
you triumphed with your troops,
you never met the enemy
of ice cream (triple scoops).
You never fought a craving for
a butter-frosted cake;
you never had to strategize
against a chocolate shake.
You never were surrounded by
a bowl of crunchy chips
or ambushed by an apple pie
or tangy, tasty dips.
To decorated gen'rals, I
respectfully divulge,
you, too, would be a loser in
the battle of the bulge.
"A Losing Battle" is from the book:
Lighten Up! Book Two, published by
Meadowbrook Press. Artwork © Stephen Carpenter. |
|
|
|
From a Publisher
to Desperate Poets
© Helen Ksypka
We don't solicit avant-garde
and don't encourage rhyme.
We shun the trite and will not bite
at graphic or sublime.
We cringe at poets deep in love;
no sentimental sap.
We give the boot to sweet and cute
or formulaic crap.
Reporting time is very slow;
we make no guarantee.
What's even worse, to read your verse,
we charge a healthy fee.
If published, we retain all rights
to print your precious baby.
Expecting pay? No way, José.
You'll get a copy -- maybe.
"From a Publisher to Desperate Poets"
is from the book: Lighten Up! published
by Meadowbook Press. Artwork © Stephen Carpenter. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
